He doesn’t hang around for long.

Warning: Put down that drink and swallow before viewing. I’m telling you from experience.

Needs a dozen more popped collars.

I had an interesting night yesterday. The Recovering Shopaholic received this message on her phone from an unknown number:

Hi! Sweetie, everything’s fine? Pls excuse my grammatical errors as my English was self-taught. It was wanting when I left secondary school and only improved not so long ago. Hope U can comprehend my SMSes. And hope U don’t mind me keep sending U SMS as this is the only avenue available for me to get in touch with my beloved save approaching U. I respect UR wish not to see me or talk to me but hope U can have empathy for me in return. My love for U not only hasn’t diminish but grew stronger since our estrangement. Let me know if U feel uneasy. Good night. – loy heng.

Creepy Meter™… tingling!

I thought his valiant attempt at Engrish was worth a response though, even if it was probably sent to the wrong number. So I replied.

Nice msg dude, very eloquent. But you sure you got the right number?

And Loy Heng sent this back:

Of course, the dearest one in my heart. The one who can moves me emotionally with ease. Is it U?

He seems quite sure. I’m not.

I wouldn’t know bud, until you tell me my name. Sweetie isn’t one of them.

Then we get this:

Miss xxx, xxx.

The name was right. So just who is this Loy Heng dude, and how did he get TRS’ number?

After some thinking, we realized that it was the same guy who stood around TRS’ workplace for hours every day to stare at her. For months. The same guy who left unwanted gifts and 4-page engrish love letters. The same guy whom we’ve been trying to ignore in hopes that he’ll take a hint and go away.

But this is getting a bit much. Maybe he’ll take a stronger hint.

Sorry bud, tough luck. No xxx here, only her unamused fiancé. Nice try though. I suggest you direct that unrequited love to another girl. Good night, loy heng.

Any person with a shred of decency would back out at that point, right?

Unconvinced. Only someone well-read be able to use such vocabularies and that kurt doesn’t look like one. U need to work tomorrow so good night.

Nice. He also knows what I look like now? Seems Loy Heng has been doing his homework. This is where I draw the line, though. I’m getting concerned for TRS’ personal safety. Keep your friends close and enemies closer, right?

Should I meet you in person then? –Kurt

And he replies:

O.k. let me have a look of U. Time & Venue, PLS.

I set up a lunch date with him today.

So my dear readers, all 2 of you – what would you do if you were in this situation? I’m taking suggestions.

In before I LOLed, nigra, facepalm, etc.

UPDATE 3pm: He backed out of our little date. I waited for half an hour but he didn’t show up. So I called, and he said maybe there was no need for us to meet. He also reassures me that he’s “sober”. Right. Just lay off the creepy, Mister. And we’re all good.

He’s the mannest man this side of the planet. While others merely talk, RPK talks AND walks, while puffing a cigar. And it’s making some people in the 4th Floor shit their pants standing. So what do they do? Why, the tried and true “slap him with a bogus charge and put him behind bars” trick, of course.

If March 2008 didn’t knock it into their heads that we, the people, had enough of their shit, in 4 years time we’ll be happy to do it again, this time with a sledgehammer to their rainbow nutsacks. And just wait ’till they try to bend over and pick up the pieces.

These bozos are over.

UPDATE: Here’s your chance to do something. Chip in!

No one I know who grew up in the 80s seems to remember Gaban. So I try to jog their memories by singing the Gaban action song, which goes like this:

Dai d-d-dai d-d-dai d-d-dai d-d-GABAN! Woo too too!

Which never fails to remind them that I am a complete dork.

Come on, tell me you remember.

Mr. Bunny suffers serious injuries.