Archive for May, 2006

On my way out the front door to get lunch yesterday, I decided, “Hey, why not make an attempt to appear remotely sociable today?” So I offered a smile and a wave to my colleague the receptionist, who responded by — and this is the truth — crying. No, I was not wearing suede. Well, [...]

OK, this is disturbing. Key disturbing phrase: “…smokes 20 cigarettes a day despite being eight months’ pregnant” This means that the resulting child will be probably be physically and mentally retarded, and eventually run for Prime Minister.

I can’t decide which is scarier: the 75 year old grandpa pornstar, or the garlic-flavored erection.

Alright boys and girls, are you EXCITED? It’s that time of year again to express your love and appreciation to your mother by reaching deep into your pockets and throwing money in random directions! While some of you will have your money land on flowers, some cakes, and others cute cards and gifts, whatever they [...]

Today’s topic is: Grocery shopping. With the rapid rise of modern technology — thank you Viagra — grocery shopping has become an amazing spectacle of boring. This is not to say that it was ever interesting, but now, compared to say, The Best Page in the Universe, grocery shopping is like sitting through the Annual [...]

I cannot imagine how they managed to miss Prince Charles. I mean, those satellite-dish ears are a dead giveaway.

For a pizza.

“Special taste” rum.