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Banana Lunges to Beijing

I’ll be going to China for 3 months beginning September for practical reasons, namely: I AM SICK OF BEING CALLED A BANANA. You know who you are, you yellow bastards. This is why I have made special arrangements to learn Mandarin at the Beijing Language and Culture University which is located approximately 2.5 galaxies away (this figure is based on the return airfare, which required both my kidneys, just to cover airport taxes).

There, I hope to be able to pick up the language enough to yell “UP YOURS, FROTHING WEASEL PIMPERNELL!! *HAAACK PTUIIII*” at my tormenters in Mandarin with all the authenticity and confidence of a native speaker. Failing which I will have no choice but to unleash Plan B, which involves midgets and sausages, but let’s not go there.

I have been to Beijing once a few years back, so I am totally prepared for the challenges ahead, such as fending off frostbite, dodging crazy bicycle swarms and avoiding spit projectiles. Also, I will have to actually learn Mandarin. But minor quirks aside, Beijing is a wonderful city. It is steeped in culture, and is full of historical importance — for example, Leon Lai was born there. So I am very excited.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 14th, 2006 at 2:21 pm and is filed under Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.

13 Responses to “Banana Lunges to Beijing”

  1. Dabido (Teflon) Says:
    July 14th, 2006 at 4:08 pm

    I wonder if a copy of Rosetta Stone Mandarin might have been cheaper.

  2. kennysia Says:
    July 14th, 2006 at 4:51 pm

    They’ll be impressed if the only Mandarin sentence you know is “NI YOU MEI YOU JIANG!”

  3. IX Says:
    July 14th, 2006 at 7:52 pm

    so Kurt like Leon Lai.. i see -___-

  4. Jason Says:
    July 15th, 2006 at 1:02 am

    watch out for the lengluis with hairy armpits

  5. ronlim Says:
    July 15th, 2006 at 9:29 am

    Banana.

  6. Kurt Says:
    July 15th, 2006 at 4:38 pm

    dab: Definitely cheaper.

    kenny: Actually, I’ve been impressing people for ages with “WO PU HUI JIANG HUA YUUU MING PAI MA PEN DANNNN!!??” but i feel the time is right to widen my repertoire.

    And get beat up less.

    IX: Nothing against aaron kwok.

    jason: I’m actually more concerned about bumping into Furong Jie Jie.

    ron: LOOK WHO’S TALKING, MR BANANA SPLIT. :D

  7. souplad Says:
    July 17th, 2006 at 8:23 am

    U will have a fun time dodging spits and bikes…… aiks.

    There are a couple of nice clubs… Babyface, Angel… hairy- armpit-chicks are very impressed with BANANAs.

  8. hedonistics anonymous Says:
    July 17th, 2006 at 11:20 am

    waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….~

    take me, take me, take me!

  9. Kurt Says:
    July 18th, 2006 at 9:46 pm

    souplad: so I should be prepared to dodge panties too?

    hedo: …that doesn’t sound right. AT ALL. :P

  10. Fireangel Says:
    July 20th, 2006 at 12:59 pm

    banana!

  11. Kurt Says:
    July 20th, 2006 at 5:42 pm

    fireangel: fingerer!

  12. sonicwall Says:
    July 21st, 2006 at 4:23 pm

    i didnt know u are OCBC (Orang Cina Bukan Cina)

  13. James Says:
    August 7th, 2006 at 12:57 pm

    Have a good trip to China. Maybe you can take a holiday in Japan or Thailand instead and forget about the Mandarin lessons.