August 4, 2008
Posted by Kurt
Bleeding Love
I do not wish to cause widespread panic among the hot young girls of Kuala Lumpur, but I believe I’m getting married this Friday. I say this now that you may have ample time to flee the city. You have been warned: I WILL be wearing snappy red suspenders.
Haha, just joshing – I’ll be in a Goomba suit.
Now I’m sure you have some questions, questions such as “How does one get into this thing called marriage?” We’ll address them here, in the handy Q&A format:
Q: How does one get into this thing called marriage?
A: First, you erect a tacky marriage proposal on daddy’s giant billboard along a major highway, showing off a giant diamond ring that nobody and their turtles believe you can afford on your peasant Accounts Executive salary with an advertising agen– oh wait. Wrong script. What I meant was, first you need a girlfriend. That’s important. Once you get one, you then start spending ridiculous amounts of time together and spend all of your disposable income for the next 2-6 years trying to impress each other. Then you ask her the big question when the time feels right.
Q: But how will I know if the time feels right?
A: You’ll know if the time feels right when you pass a wedding fair and feel her elbow embed itself in your ribs. Do not be alarmed by this. This is your cue to fall on one knee and blurt, “Honey… will you marry me?” Bonus Jerry Points if you manage to to sneak in a “You complete me” without feeling like an unoriginal cheeseball loser. Then, after she screams “YES!!!” and tramples over you in excitement to the nearest jewelry shop, your next step is to seek emergency medical attention. You’ll need to be 100% for Phase 2, trust me.
Q: What is Phase 2?
A: Phase 2 is the wedding preparation phase. If you’re Chinese, this phase will involve a lot of tradition, and by tradition I mean torture. You will feel stupid. You will feel helpless. You will feel like clutching your face and weeping, but you can’t because your hands are tied hauling in a roast pig the size of Godzilla into the Bride’s house. And at the end of it, you will fail to understand why, in this day and age of advanced plumbing systems, it is customary for the Bride’s family to give the Groom a spittoon. “This is tradition,” they say. You do not question tradition, even if it asks you to dance naked to YMCA while twirling a celery stick.
Q: Is there a Phase 3?
A: Yes. And it involves more tradition, or a trip to the monastery.
Q: So Kurt, based on your firsthand experience, what is your best advice for couples who are planning to get married?
A: Elope.
20 Comments
August 5, 2008
Hey congratulation! (though it seems odd to say that to someone who’s leaving the great life and freedom of a bachelor)
[It's just a hunch, but I have this feeling I won't be missing bachelorhood.
–Kurt]
August 5, 2008
CONGRATULATIONS!!
[THANKS!!
–Kurt]
August 5, 2008
Kurt, congratulations mate! May you and your mrs have many many happy years ahead! Oh and I wanted to post a comment but I had to log into wordpress!
[Tradition dictates that we be happy forever and ever. And I, for one, am all for tradition.
–Kurt]
August 5, 2008
cool!!! congratulations
[Totally. And thanks.
–Kurt]
August 5, 2008
OMG! Congratulations! May you spawn little kurtlings as soon as possible! haha
[I think I'll spare the world a few more years. Did I say world? I meant myself.
–Kurt]
August 5, 2008
heyo, congrats!! keep us updated bout the BIG day
[Thanks wheee! I sure will. –Kurt]
August 5, 2008
Awesome thing that’s going to happen there mate.
Starts with bleeding love, next you’ll be experiencing hemorrhage and soon after blood transfusion will be called for.
That aside…
Flipping brilliant event. Sincerely wishing that you, your beautiful bride and your omnipresent sexy mole grow beautifully into this phenomenon called marriage.
God Bless
Jono
[I'll pass on your compliments to my mole. I'm sure he'll be delighted.
–Kurt]
August 6, 2008
Congrats!!!
I hope this doesn’t dull your sense of humour (sharp elbow and all). Hurhur.
- Some random person
[Hey, getting married doesn't mean your personality changes right? Right?? –Kurt]
August 6, 2008
Congratulations to the both of you!
Where for honeymoon?
[Thanks Kong! It's To-kio, baby! Hahah I'll be eating bread and water for the next couple of months... –Kurt]
August 6, 2008
Congratulations!
[Hey Leong Soon, thanks! –Kurt]
August 7, 2008
dude…congrats man! all the best! dont ease off the blogging now!
[When have I ever eased off the blogging? Ok, don't answer that question, hahah –Kurt]
August 7, 2008
Awwwwwwwwwww Congratulations
!!
[Thanks! –Kurt]
August 7, 2008
I can’t imagine little Kurts running around. I can’t. Oh lawd ….
[Ah, for now the only little kurt is the one between my legs. –Kurt]
August 7, 2008
by the way , congrats !
August 7, 2008
Sending you this special wish
On this your wedding day
For lots of love and laughter
Each and every day after.
Congratulations!
[Thanks for that Ally! Deserves to be on one of your cards!
–Kurt]
August 7, 2008
congratulations kurt! wheehee!
[Woohoo! –Kurt]
August 8, 2008
hey you! i just remembered u told me before u gonna married on 08/08/08! CONGRATS!! u’re like the 2nd one i know from college who is married
welcome to the club!! *hugz*
[Always good to go where someone else has gone before.
–Kurt]
August 8, 2008
Congratulations!!!
[Thanks! –Kurt]
September 3, 2008
Almost a month late but… congratulations kurt!
[Thanks Sheryl! –Kurt]
November 9, 2008
Sin Yee, congratulations! Congratulations Kurt!
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