Archive for the ‘Kurt in Beijing’ Category

The time has finally come for me to say goodbye to Beijing, a delightful city that I’ve grown to love despite my initial reservations, which were mostly toilet hygiene related. While I still throw toilet paper into the toilet bowl with total impunity, I’ll miss the days here of carefree projectile spitting and spectacular bicycle [...]

The secret is that they use only gourmet ingredients fresh from the sidewalk.

Where it sits marinating for weeks in a delightful combination of spit and piss. And on special occasions, rat shit.
It goes without saying that I eat there for lunch almost every day.

Where East Eats Weat.
Of course, what they really meant to say was, “Where East Eats West”.

Turns out the listening test was a bitch. A tape recorded bitch who spews at the rate of 500 words per second and expects you to understand what she just said, via multiple choice answers. With a bastard’s voice thrown in occasionally to confuse you.
Of course I did well.

It went AWESOME, if you discount the 204 or so horribly awkward silences.
Listening test tomorrow — the last one THANK GOD — I hear it’s a real bitch. We’ll see about that.

That is my assessment of today’s writing test. It was easier than I thought, but harder than I expected. My cousin Minyee took the same test last year and scooped up 99%, and last I checked, she’s about as Banana as I am. But sweet baby Osbert, 99%. That pretty much settles who’s the Montel [...]

The writing exam’s tomorrow morning. Wish me luck! I’ll need a lot of it for the invigilators to not notice the 5-pound dictionary bulging through my pants.

I awoke yesterday morning to this lovely sight:

No, it’s not Fog. It’s his bastard cousin Smog — same crap visibility but with 1001% more lung damage. The upside is, you get extra-black boogers, in half the time! HOW COOL IS THAT?!

The Recovering Shopaholic is LOVING the weather. No prizes for guessing why.