It’s been a pitifully long while since a homophobic religious bigot made me laugh this hard. This Pastor Martin Ssempa guy, he’s a keeper.

His in-depth knowledge of the art of eating DA POO POO and FEESTING is exemplary. No doubt he has spent many, many years gathering all this information firsthand. Because he’s been called to spread the good news, that God loves gay people SO MUCH, he wants them all executed.

Does your vagina have a nickname? If it doesn’t, be inspired here (scroll down and click the “Tell us what you call yours” button).

Disco Flaps comes across as fun and exciting, but she’s probably a slut. Fatata, while deliciously onomatopoeic, doesn’t taste as good as she sounds. I’m partial to Anastasia von Beaverhousen – warm, moist and mysterious.

As we know, one man once got on one plane in a pair of exploding hiking boots and as a result everyone else in the entire world is now forced to strip naked at airports and hand over their toiletries to a man in a high-visibility jacket.

In other words, the behaviour of one man has skewed the concept of everyday life for everyone else. And we are seeing this all the time.

Last month a Birmingham couple pleaded guilty to starving their supposedly home-schooled daughter to death. Now, of course, there are calls for parents who choose to educate their children at home to be monitored on an hourly basis by people from the “care” industry, and possibly to have their toiletries confiscated.

Then we have calls to ban sexually provocative pop videos from the television until 9pm and put Loaded magazine on the top shelf. Will this prevent teenage boys from seeing girls’ breasts? Well, whoever thinks it will has plainly never heard of the internet.

We see the same sort of overreaction to paedophilia. Just because one man in your town likes to watch schoolgirls playing netball, you must apply for a licence if you wish to take a friend’s kids to school in the morning. And I now run the risk of having my camera impounded by the police if I take pictures of my children playing on the beach.

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David may be the “King”, but if you saw at him at the finale yesterday, you’d be forgiven if you thought he was an emaciated homeless man who wandered on stage.

It was quite a disturbing sight. He was literally half the man he once was, dropping over half his body weight in 5 months. Any fitness trainer with a brain will tell you that this is not only horribly misguided, but disastrous on your health.

It’s obvious David didn’t get the memo that it’s not about losing weight, but losing FAT. He managed to work off all his muscle along with the fat with 8-10 hour workouts daily on a dangerously low calorie deficit.

I think Carlo is the real winner here. He did it the right way, building muscle to lose the fat. He looks like the pink friggin’ panther of health compared to David.

David might have walked home with a lump of cash and a new ride, but I suspect he’ll be using it to drive to the hospital for a spending spree in the ICU before the year is up. Carlo on the other hand will probably enjoy life with his healthy new body for years to come if he tones the program down to maintenance levels.

The Biggest Loser is going to kill someone eventually. It’s not a health program. It’s entertainment. Some people forget that.

Call it a hunch, but if there’s any abuse going on in this family, it’s probably from him.

I’m supposed to be able to take 26 of these runts in a fight. If they’re all stacked like this, I’m fucked.

According to German research published in New England Journal of Medicine, men staring at women’s breasts in fact prolong their lives with years.

“Just 10 minutes of looking at the charms of a well-endowed females is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out,” said author Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist.

Sure, the article is vague, sensational, lacking credible scientific references and was probably written by the same person who wrote the paper proclaiming regular consumption of semen is good for female health BUT WHO GIVES A SHIT.

It’s boobies dude! And some things you just want to believe. We’ll stare our way to immortality, one pair of boobs at a time, or six!

TO TITS!

Who shares her secrets on how to move your “A cups to CC cup.”

Kanye can suck my balls. THIS is the best video of all time.

Is ripe for the punching.