Kraaabi

So a couple of weeks back my wife and I went on my company trip to Krabi, my first beach outing since Dr Mahatir discovered the wonders of labeling your enemy a sodomite in a largely conservative Muslim country.

We flew AirAsia, which sucked harder than I expected. I kept hearing about the legendary nasi lemak they serve on board, so I was hoping to try it. In the air, I waited for the service cart to crawl its way to my middle aisle, but by the time it did 40 minutes later, all that was left were spaghetti meatballs and some shitty chicken rice. FFFFFUUUUUUUUU

But the spaghetti meatballs were ok. I was so hungry by then even Jack Black’s hairy balls would have tasted like assiette de cochon de lait rôti et son jus de cuisson. The flight back was worse – there was absolutely no food left. Not a morsel, not even a bottle of water. Apparently everyone can fly, but not everyone can eat.

Anyway, we bunked at this really cool boutique hotel called The Small. They named it The Small because it’s actually very big. This may explain why so many Thais are also confused about their gender.

The rooms on the ground floor have balconies that open up directly to the swimming pool, which naturally I didn’t get. Instead, it went to a colleague who doesn’t swim. No, I’m not bitter. Not at all. Really.

Because while they got the pool access, the wife and I got the see-through bathroom. And I think the view is waaaaay better, hur hurrr.

First thing we did was to book a day package to go island hopping.

And slapped some pussy while we’re at it.

After that, shopping! Lots and lots of stuff to buy! If you’re a woman! The men just took pictures and stood around looking cool, even in the face of financial ruin.

The next day we got up went to Hong island. This sign was there to welcome us.

As was this fine chap.

The beach was gorgeous – white sand, emerald waters.

Schools of fish flapping around happily, eating bread from the hands of a bunch of Korean aunties with no sense of environmental conservation.

Soon it was time for lunch, and here is my wife with a very handsome young man.

The same handsome young man who previously won her over with this suave piece of beach art.

After Hong island we hopped back into the longtail boat for another small island whose name I can’t recall because frankly they’re all the same. Andi, this absolutely adorable little girl was sitting there by the beach posing for pictures.

Hey, it’s that handsome young man again! He’s everywhere!

So that was pretty much our day trip. Rather nice and uneventful, except for the part where we all almost died.

On our way back, the weather suddenly got nasty with huge waves slamming on the boat. At one point the boat was being thrown around so bad it felt like we were going to flip over. But we made it in the end.

The night was spent walking around the main street throwing cash at passing locals, because really, who needs all this money. We came across this sign for a massage parlor. When you see it, you’ll shit bricks and sticks.

And the next morning I realized I had been thoroughly cooked by the sun. End!