My Name is Not Katherine

November 14, 2005
Posted by Kurt

My Name is Not Katherine

Once, when I was little, my parents asked if I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. It is a question every responsible parent asks their child at at some point, after consuming too much beer. Usually, they expect to hear answers like “Doctor”, “Lawyer” or “Fig Pollinator”. But not me. When I grew up, I wanted to be a man. They were clearly impressed with my answer, pointing their fingers at me and laughing and drinking more beer.

Actually, it was a tough choice between being a man or being a criminal overlord, like Jabba the Hutt, who happens to be a highly underrated role-model. OK, so he’s basically a giant crusty booger. But he’s a successful, wealthy, and powerful, giant crusty booger. Plus, he got to touch Carrie Fisher’s thighs. Jabba is an inspiration to little Hutts everywhere, and if anything, he is living proof that if you are willing to work hard, and never give up, you will be strangled to death. By a scantily-clad princess, no less.

Seperated at Birth

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So it was a tough choice, but in the end I felt being a man was the bigger challenge, because it involved facial hair.

The reason I’m telling you all this, is because lately I have been faced with some tough questions about the direction of my life, important questions like “Where do I want to go?”, “What do I want to achieve?”, and “WHY HAVE I NOT GROWN A SINGLE ATOM OF FACIAL HAIR?? AT AGE 24??”

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