Pepsi Goes Full Retard With New Logo

The 70s called. It wants its dildos back.

So apparently Pepsi’s sales has been tanking in relation to its competitors. What does management do? Pay an agency millions of dollars to “energize” the established, iconic logo of course! Because we all know the solution to declining marketshare is not better marketing and PR – it’s a more DYNAMIC logo! A DYNAMIC LOGO WITH A NOT-SO-HIDDEN SMILEY! OMG TATS SO KEWL! WE R SO HIP NAO LOL!!!!

“The Pepsi DNA finds its origin in the dynamic of perimeter oscillations. This new identity manifests itself in an authentic geometry that is to become proprietary to the Pepsi culture,” the rationale explains, in a language so advanced no one yet knows what it has to do with a brown fizzy drink. Or Michael Jackson’s burning hair.

This revelation is accompanied by a chart with the new logo on a timeline with the likes of the Golden Ratio and work by Leonardo Da Vinci, which they consider somewhat on par with this new level of genius. Somewhat because Leo didn’t think of making the Mona Lisa’s smile emoticon compatible (obviously a n00b).

To Arnell Group, the agency who whipped up this inspiring work of a 12 year old with unrestricted access to a crate of Pepsi and a copy of Art and Physics For Dummies, I offer my heartiest congratulations, on behalf of Coca-Cola.

Also, everyone in this article is clearly holding a bong.

PS: Here’s the 27-page agency rationale for the new logo. The more you read, the better it gets. Like herpes, it’s a gift that keeps on giving. HIGHLIGHTS: The Gravitational Pull of Pepsi, The Pepsi Universe measured in Light Years*.

*1 light year = 671 million miles per hour

PPS: The Younger Generation is buzzing about the new logo.