September 20, 2006
Posted by Kurt
Till Death Do Us Part
Traffic in Beijing may seem chaotic, but in reality, it is death incarnate. This is a good thing. Staring death in the face every time you step out to get to classes makes you appreciate life that much more, between waves of rabid oncoming traffic. Plus you get to swear like there’s no tomorrow, so I know at least one of my vocabularies is getting better.
In this bustling city, traffic lights play a vital role as colorful street ornaments, and pedestrians here have about as much right of way on the road as paramecium.
No, the car is not stationary. It is in fact moving at speeds exceeding mach 5 around the bend.
The picture you see above depicts a pedestrian green light, green meaning “You may now attempt to cross the road on foot or bicycle and make it to the other side with at least one limb and perhaps your head intact ha ha good luck”. I suspect this is how they keep the population here under 10 billion.
You’re probably wondering how I managed to stay alive for upwards of seven days and counting in such treacherous conditions. Well, I’ll tell you: The secret is to stay in the middle of the crossing pack. That way you’ll have about say, 2.3 million organic buffer units between you and oncoming traffic, which should last you just about long enough to make it to the other side without having to turn back and look for your spleen.
I love this place.
8 Comments
September 20, 2006
Human shield!
I think of South Park, The Movie where all the negros partake in “Operation Human Shield”
September 20, 2006
hehe. can’t wait till you actually get your own big black apek bicycle .
September 20, 2006
Maybe that’s why my Uncle moved from Beijing to London!
September 20, 2006
dr tan: hahahahayeah
hedo: oh, but i’ll NEVER be caught dead with a big black apek bicycle — i got a white one instead.
dab: Avi, I’m coming to London! Heh. Snatched.
September 20, 2006
I was wondering why the “Why did the chicken cross the road?” joke went flat in Beijing.
September 21, 2006
And have you taken up the habit of squatting on the roadside, the way our esteemed ancestors once did as well?
September 21, 2006
don’t come back then if you love this place so much
September 21, 2006
ron: the ducks don’t even make it out to the streets.
suertes: i would have, but unfortunately my insurance policy doesn’t cover suicide.
ix: but my playstation is still over in KL.
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